Women are the most powerful magnet in the universe; all men are cheap metal.
Quote by Larry Miller:
Quotes by other comedians
The weatherman gets to curse in Chicago - it's license, it's a law, I'm serious. 'What's the five day outlook? Holy shit. It's cold as fuck out, that's what it is.' And there's a picture of a snowman with his middle finger up.
I'm here today because I hated everything else.
One time I visited my mother and found St. Anthony's statue upside down. I say, 'Mama, why's St. Anthony upside down?' 'He don't answer my novena, he stays that way!'
California is a small woman saying, "Fuck me." New York is a large man saying, "Fuck you!"
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I swear he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. Said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."