They've gotta stop reporting wind chill. That's nonsense. It really is. I don't know where they came up with it, why they came up with it, but it's a lie. They come on, "Well, it's 27 degrees today, but with the wind chill, it's minus 3." Well, then it's minus 3, asshole! I don't need to know what the weather was like if the conditions were perfect!
Quote by Lewis Black:
Quotes by other comedians
No matter how cynical you are, you can't keep up.
A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
It's nice to live in a country that has its priorities straight: the library's open three hours a week, and the House of Fist is 24/7.
My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
They shouldn't be able to teach religion until you're 18 years old and you know what? It'd be a whole different world because if they weren't pushing that shit into your head while it was still soft you'd never buy it.