I've seen the end of the universe, and it happens to be in the United States and, oddly enough, it's in Houston, Texas. I know - I was shocked, too. Imagine my surprise when I left a comedy club one day and walked to the end of the block, and there on one corner was a Starbucks, and across the street from that Starbucks, in the exact same building as that Starbucks, there was - a Starbucks. I looked back and forth, thinking the sun was playing tricks with my eyes. That there was a Starbucks across from a Starbucks - and that, my friends, is the end of the universe.
Quote by Lewis Black:
Quotes by other comedians
But I thought, what could I do in a teeny way - and believe me, it's a teeny way - to defuse this? There had to be some way to separate the 1.5 billion people who don't want to kill us from the 100,000 or so who do. I thought if I could get five Muslims and six Hindus and maybe 3 Jews to laugh for 90 minutes, then I've accomplished something.
Oh yeah he thinks he’s possessed by Scar, the evil lion from lion king, because that happens!
I don’t like any nastiness on tv unless it’s coming from me.
When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse.
You also notice that the right side of your face feels like it's sliding off of your skull. And your bottom lip is in your lap!