A real estate closer. Oh, what's that? I'm a real estate opener. What is a real estate closer? You mean at the end where you've got to sign all those papers?
Quote by Louie Anderson:
Quotes by other comedians
I was an ugly kid. When I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
Y'all, I am screaming at my television set: they're spitting cobras, you moron!
For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.
I don't know if you've ever been to England, but as soon as they find out you're from America, they hate you. They just think they're more sophisticated than we are. They're so pissed at us. You know what it is? They're mad because they lost the Revolutionary War, and they should be because there was only like nine of us.
I changed my act because I wasn't getting booked.