Minnesotans really think they run the whole world, I love that.
Quote by Louie Anderson:
Quotes by other comedians
"This is no way to run a business," I told Dim Sum, and then looked at Tons of Fun. "And you might want to lay off the carbs, you fucking wildebeest."
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.
She said I was moving too fast... I think it was a nice gesture to give her flowers on the first date. Perhaps the 'Bless This Family' plaque could have waited.
I swore I would never get involved in my dad's life. But then he started blowing it. So I had to get involved, you know, but he's my dad, I can't send him to his room or ground him or go to his first grade play and scream, "Look at the fairy!" I was a wood nymph.
When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.