Quote by Louie Anderson:

I have a cousin Ernie who buys stuff. He's got a big snowblower that's actually the biggest snowblower you can buy, with a remote control, so he doesn't even have to go outside. He's got the microwave and a satellite dish, it's all in one. He cooks and watches at the same time.

Short bio
Louis Perry Anderson is an American stand-up comedian, actor and television host. Anderson created the cartoon series Life with Louie and has written four books, including Hey Mom: Stories for My Mother, But You Can Read Them Too, which was published in 2018.

All quotes by Louie Anderson

Quotes by other comedians

My friend said, 'Try lamb skin. They're really thin. Lamb skin condoms, they're good.' And they are. What he didn't tell me was that right when you begin to conduct business, the whole room smells like a gyro. We were doing our thing. She said, 'What's that?' I said, 'I don't know, but I'm getting hungry.'

That's one of the reasons why we think the U.S. dollar probably should strengthen going into the Fed meeting toward the end of the month.

I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. "Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain't getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it."