Quote by Louis CK:

I have a lot of beliefs and I live by none of 'em. That's just the way I am. They're just my beliefs. I just like believing them. I like that part. They're my little "believies." They make me feel good about who I am. But if they get in the way of a thing I want, or I want to jack off or something, I fuckin' do that.

Comedian
Short bio
Louis Székely, better known by his stage name Louis C.K., is an American stand-up comedian, writer, actor, and filmmaker.

All quotes by Louis C. K.

Popular quotes by other comedians

You're gonna check my computer records? Is that important? I don't think the government needs to know how I feel about teen Asian sluts in order to fight terrorism.

You might be a redneck if Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".

Let's all start wearing bolo ties, and when they become hip again, we'll all say we were kidding.

Does everybody have their WWJD bracelets on? 'Cause I was wearing my bracelet recently, and I was in the movie theater, and this guy's cell phone went off - don't you just hate that? Then he picked it up, 'Hey, how's it going? I'm in a movie.' And I'm like, 'Hey! Get off the phone!' And he's like, 'Mind your own business.' And I almost went crazy, but then I looked at my bracelet: what would Jesus do? So I lit him on fire and sent him to Hell.

I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.