Quote by Martin Lawrence:

White parents use time out. My mom used a different type of time out. She'd be like, 'There... take time out to pick up your teeth.'

Comedian

Quotes by other comedians

Those who the gods would make rich and famous on TV, they first drive mad.

David Hasselhoff was hospitalized after falling off the wagon again. He probably got used to drinking too much, because for years he never had to worry about driving anywhere - his car drove itself.

So China's president Hu Jintao meets, uh - meets America's president. It's like President "Who?" meeting President "Huh?"

Crystal meth's a good drug if you need to walk to St. Louis one weekend.

I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs; I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips… but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.