Quote by Martin Lawrence:

Somebody put something in his mouth. My zipper's stuck.

Comedian

Quotes by other comedians

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

The most interesting nerds are the ones who take offense to being called nerds.

My feeling on entertainers that get all upset about wanting their private life, I go, ‘You chose this business.’ If you want your private life that much, stay in the house.

I hated the summer jobs I had when I was a teenager. They were so mundane and repetitious, they deadened my soul. On the bright side, it was good training for this job.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.