What is this, an audience or an oil painting?
Quote by Milton Berle:
Quotes by other comedians
Wonder why it is God didn't give us wheels. He must've known we get skates for Christmas.
I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.
I'm not big on Halloween. I never have been. As a kid my parents would send me out to collect for UNICEF, which just screws up the whole holiday. You're wearing a costume and people are giving you pennies and you're going, "Well, give me some candy, you fuck." And the grown-ups tell you, "Absolutely not. You've got your pennies. Now go build a village, you little shit." It still brings a tear to my eye.
I also like a great Caesar salad with anchovies, although I don't know why some places say 'with anchovies.' If you're making a proper Caesar salad, it's going to have anchovies.
Fucking immigrants, all started with that Einstein... Once they brought him over from Germany and we didn't have any good genius jobs, it was a trickle-down effect.