If you were the only person left on the planet, I would have to attack you. That's my job.
Quote by Mort Sahl:
Quotes by other comedians
The judge asked, "what do you plead?" I said, "Insanity. Your honor, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?"
You can’t take everything that is offered to you. I pass on a lot of stuff, because I truly believe that I will shine better if I could do it 200 percent rather than do it 80 percent and make it so-so.
Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.
Oh yeah, I’m mentally screwed up for life. But I look good.
I'm not really a music guy.