Quote by Norm Macdonald:

I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure... if you die, the cancer also dies at exactly the same time. So that to me is not a loss; that's a draw. It's not like... the cancer's going to jump up and go, "Arrrgh I fucked Uncle Bert's wife, where is he? I won fair and square."

Comedian
Short bio
Norman Gene Macdonald is a Canadian stand-up comedian, writer, and actor. He was a cast member for five seasons on Saturday Night Live, which included anchoring Weekend Update for three years.

All quotes by Norm Macdonald

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You might be a redneck if... your child's first words are 'Attention K-Mart shoppers!'

With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

Remember that friend in High School, who wanted to make bongs out of everything? Making bongs out of apples and oranges and shit. One day you find your friend goin' "Hey look, man, I made a bong out of my head! Put the pot in this ear and suck it out of this one, go on take a hit!"

I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.

My God! I beat a man insensible with a strawberry!