Quote by Pat Cooper:

One time I visited my mother and found St. Anthony's statue upside down. I say, 'Mama, why's St. Anthony upside down?' 'He don't answer my novena, he stays that way!'


Quotes by other comedians

I'm getting pretty worried. My girlfriend hasn't gotten her period. And she's already 14.

If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the police sketch artist. This is one of the rare instances where two people can do one self-portrait.

When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.