I used to walk into a party and scan the room for attractive women. Now I look for women to hold my baby so I can eat potato salad sitting down.
Quote by Paul Reiser:
Quotes by other comedians
Attempt to get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
As far as standup, everybody has a vehicle they are driving. If what you do works, it’s like playing golf. If you can master that one swing over and over again, you will be successful. That’s what standup is. You have to have a central move and it has to be yours. You have to own your comedy, own what you do.
Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are.