I love coffee. I don’t drink coffee but I love it. I drink tea and I don’t like it. Let me say something about tea. Tea starts out bad and never gets better. You put in honey, cream, sugar, lemon and you still go "Ooh that’s bad!" And the people who make tea know it’s bad. That’s why they give you so many choices. You go into a store and there’s a thousand types of teas. Every herb fruit and spice in every combination. They’re desperate to make this stuff palatable and it almost works. You think, "Wow! Look at this! Apple, cinnamon, mango cherry tea. This should be great. I like all those things... This is going to be just great." You take a sip and go "Nope That’s still very bad."
Quote by Paul Reiser:
Quotes by other comedians
What shall we call our son so he does not get the shit kicked out of him at school? We shall call him Englebert Humperdink! Yes, that'll work.
Some men see things as they are and ask why. I dream things that never were, get distracted, then go out for pancakes.
A kid asked me for advise about getting into entertainment? I said you better know how to be happy being broke!