The first time I tried to put a new diaper on my baby, I yanked the little Velcro strap too jerkily and actually punched the little guy in the jaw. A real solid shot, too. I knew instinctively that this could not be correct. Unless you're specifically trying to raise a welterweight, continual deliverance of powerful uppercuts is not advised when handling newborns.
Quote by Paul Reiser:
Quotes by other comedians
My cat’s fully capable of speaking, but he says he’s afraid of me turning it into a Kevin James vehicle.
I have a high state of resentment for the conformity in this country. If you`re not married and having children, it`s like your life is empty or you`re a communist meanie.
He died of natural causes? Well he got shot in the face with a bazooka... So naturally he’d be dead.