Quote by Paul Reiser:


The first time I tried to put a new diaper on my baby, I yanked the little Velcro strap too jerkily and actually punched the little guy in the jaw. A real solid shot, too. I knew instinctively that this could not be correct. Unless you're specifically trying to raise a welterweight, continual deliverance of powerful uppercuts is not advised when handling newborns.

Comedian
Short bio
Paul Reiser is an American comedian, actor, writer, and musician. He is known for his roles as Michael Taylor in the 1980s sitcom My Two Dads, Paul Buchman in the NBC sitcom Mad About You, Carter Burke in the 1986 film Aliens, and more recently as Jim Neiman in the 2014 film Whiplash and Doug Getty in the Amazon Video series Red Oaks'. Reiser is ranked 77th on Comedy Central's 2004 list of the "100 Greatest Stand-ups of All Time".

All quotes by Paul Reiser

Quotes by other comedians

Joke stealing is a big deal to me, but I mean, I’m not going to investigate it if it doesn’t effect me directly.

One night I asked Fang to kiss me goodnight. He got up and put on his work clothes.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.