The first time I tried to put a new diaper on my baby, I yanked the little Velcro strap too jerkily and actually punched the little guy in the jaw. A real solid shot, too. I knew instinctively that this could not be correct. Unless you're specifically trying to raise a welterweight, continual deliverance of powerful uppercuts is not advised when handling newborns.
Quote by Paul Reiser:
Quotes by other comedians
Joke stealing is a big deal to me, but I mean, I’m not going to investigate it if it doesn’t effect me directly.
One night I asked Fang to kiss me goodnight. He got up and put on his work clothes.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.