Quote by Paul Rodriguez:

Those are adult magazines. Anybody can own them. It doesn't prove the charge.

Comedian

Quotes by other comedians

Pain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames.

Sober strip clubs are horrible. When you are sober you see the matrix code behind a strip club. You're paying girls to pretend to like you until you run out of money so they can walk away.

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

The only appropriate attitude for man to have about the big questions, is not the arrogant certitude that is the hallmark of religion, but doubt. Doubt is humble and that is what man needs to be, considering that human history is just a litany of getting shit dead wrong.