The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
Quote by Paula Poundstone:
Quotes by other comedians
You might be a redneck if people are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.
In the fifties I had dreams about touching a naked woman and she would turn to bronze or the dream about hot dogs chasing donuts through the Lincoln Tunnel.
My wife at times will say I'm stubborn, selfish, insensitive, vague, deaf at times, blah, blah, blah... but she's never said I was boring!
Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.
You ever get sick and one of your friends gives you medical advice? And they tell you that they're not a doctor - like you didn't know it?