I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I'd done everything there was to do.
Quote by Paula Poundstone:
Quotes by other comedians
Life is a myth. Death is real. Orgasms rule.
The only way a no-legged leopard could hurt you is if it fell out of a tree onto your head.
Usually when you hear a laugh like that, it comes with a chainsaw.
I've got to watch myself these days. It's too exciting watching anyone else.
Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.