I was diagnosed a number of years ago with obsessive-compulsive disorder - which everyone has, to some degree - and I have this really annoying trait where in conversation, I always steer it back to something that happened to me.
Quote by Paula Poundstone:
Quotes by other comedians
It occurs to me that the best way you hurt rich people is you turn them into poor people.
But with dogs, we do have "bad dog." Bad dog exists. "Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!" The dog is saying, "Who are you to judge me? You human beings who’ve had genocide, war against people of different creeds, colors, religions, and I stole a biscuit?! Is that a crime? People of the world!" "Well, if you put it that way, I think you’ve got a point. Have another biscuit, sorry.”
Puff puff, give. Puff puff, give. You're fuckin' up tha rotation.
I don't do too many jokes about current affairs, because almost every comedian always does that.
I'm astounded by people who want to "know" the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.