Gay Republicans, how exactly does that work? 'We disapprove of our own lifestyle. We beat ourselves up in parking lots.'
Quote by Paula Poundstone:
Quotes by other comedians
When every high school graduate can spell the word, 'inauguration,' let's put lampshades on our heads and listen to his speeches until Obama's voice gives out.
I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.
Men watch porn, get their thrills, then feel ashamed. Women watch Oprah, see people feeling ashamed, then get their thrills.
Everyone always says, "Does it bother you that Italians are always portrayed as Mafia characters?" No, it doesn't bother me. First of all, not everybody in my family is in the Mafia. I have one uncle who's clean.
You were born free, you got fucked out of half of it and you wave a flag celebrating it.