Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they're born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.
Quote by Ray Romano:
Quotes by other comedians
I know I'll never have a weight problem, you know why? First morning I wake up and can't see my dick? I stop eating!
You don't need to be stable to be a stand-up comedian.
You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.