You try to pretend like you're paying attention to your family, but in the meantime, you're like "Grandma, can you pass the gravy? I'm open!"
Quote by Ray Romano:
Quotes by other comedians
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Not only do I sing to him, I sing entire conversations. You become Jerry Lewis.
I know I'm getting older because yesterday I called the police on my neighbors.
I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed is when he's having an asthma attack.
She said I was moving too fast... I think it was a nice gesture to give her flowers on the first date. Perhaps the 'Bless This Family' plaque could have waited.