I remember the first time my wife (then girlfriend) came over to the basement. I spent the entire day cleaning it, just so I could say, “Sorry the place is such a mess.” I had to clean all day to qualify for mess status.
Quote by Ray Romano:
Quotes by other comedians
I'm not just offensive, I'm very smart about the way that I do it, and that takes a lot of time. People say that young comics shouldn't be trying these things. That's ridiculous. You should try everything and see what sticks.
A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
I'd like to start the show by showing you something I'm very proud of. You'll have to step back, though.
I love having an open seat next to me on the train. What’s even better is when my seat is open too because I just stayed home.
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.