Quote by Red Buttons:

Sure, I've gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees... I've fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, poor circulation, hardly feel my hands or feet anymore, can't remember if I'm 85 or 92, but... thank God, I still have my Florida driver’s license!

Short bio
Red Buttons was an American actor and comedian. He won an Oscar and a Golden Globe for his supporting role in the 1957 film Sayonara.

All quotes by Red Buttons

Quotes by other comedians

I'm TV's Craig Ferguson, please sit down relax and: "take off your pants"; "dip your hand into a bowl of warm water and fall fast asleep"; etc.

I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage.

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!

I woke up one morning, got dressed, and my wife asked me, “Where you going?”, I said, “I’ve got my yearly physical today.” “I’ll go with you!” OK, how boring is your day? I’d never go with her to her physical! Seen it! It’s not like we’d be breaking any new ground! It’s not like I’d go, “Hey Doc, what’s that?”