Quote by Red Buttons:

Donald Trump’s mother, who said, "Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber’s chair! " Never got a dinner!

Comedian
Short bio
Red Buttons was an American actor and comedian. He won an Oscar and a Golden Globe for his supporting role in the 1957 film Sayonara.

All quotes by Red Buttons

Quotes by other comedians

I want to be the greatest actor that ever lived, frankly. I'd love that. But I don't need to be. I just want to be here. That's it.

These are all dreams. These are all things we want to have. (to man in audience) If I could grant you a power, any power, what would you want? Anything right now? "Dah, Jesus." You want to be Jesus? God you're such an egotistical prick. He thinks he's Jesus. Ah, Jesus. I'd love to cover him with spaghetti right now. Pppptthhh! Enjoy your spaghetti, you're very egotistical. Ahhh, Christ. Not you.

Pope Pius XII was meant to go and castigate Hitler for being a "Genocidal Fuckhead … with bunny rabbit ears". But he didn't, he wimped out, and for that history has renamed that Pope as "Pope Gutless Bastard I."

As a director and an actor, I encourage improvisation but in character and in the moment of what it is.

Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching people that don’t laugh make the people that do laugh feel shitty about themselves.