I carry a knife now because I read in a white magazine that all black people carry knives. So I rushed out and bought me one.
Quote by Redd Foxx:
Quotes by other comedians
Basically, I got into stand-up because I’m too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.
I think women seem to handle celibacy better. Well, at least when you talk with them, they're very nonchalant about it: 'Oh, no, no, I haven't made love in about three or four months, and I really haven't missed it at all. I've been doing a lot of horseback riding.'
Marijuana will be legal someday, because the many law students who now smoke pot will one day be Congressmen and they will legalize it to protect themselves. I don't smoke pot, and I'm glad because then I can champion it without any special pleading. The reason I don't smoke pot is because it facilitates ideas and heightens sensations - and I got enough shit flying through my head without smoking pot.
You might be a redneck if you've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
I am a man of my word… and that word is "unreliable."