There is an obesity epidemic. One out of every three Americans... weighs as much as the other two.
Quote by Richard Jeni:
Quotes by other comedians
Mirabelle is not affected by a man’s failures to approach her, as her own self-depreciating attitude never allows the idea that he would in the first place.
Don't tell jokes only the band laughs at.
My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.
Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don’t kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
You put a guy on a desert island, he'll do it to mud, a chicken, a barrel, anything, a knothole.