Quote by Richard Lewis:

I’m a major hypochondriac. I won’t even masturbate anymore. I’m afraid I might give myself something.

Comedian
Short bio
Richard Philip Lewis is an American stand-up comedian and actor. He came to prominence in the 1980s as a comedian specializing in self-deprecating humor before turning to acting.

All quotes by Richard Lewis

Quotes by other comedians

Latinos are black, white, brown, beige. What does that say about our ancestors? We'll sleep with anybody!

Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.

It felt like such a right idea that it didn't bother me to put it away, because I knew it would be ready when it's ready. When I had kids, I realized I understood my parents better. I had more compassion for them and I look at my kids and realize, 'Oh, man. This is just the same cycle all over again.'

May your dreams be sweet and your nightmares be spooky-monster-scary and not grandma-died-scary.

I laugh at weird times - at good and bad things alike. I laugh simply when things are incongruous. It’s not necessarily a judgment - as it is noticing the oddity of something.