I’m a major hypochondriac. I won’t even masturbate anymore. I’m afraid I might give myself something.
Quote by Richard Lewis:
Quotes by other comedians
Latinos are black, white, brown, beige. What does that say about our ancestors? We'll sleep with anybody!
Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.
It felt like such a right idea that it didn't bother me to put it away, because I knew it would be ready when it's ready. When I had kids, I realized I understood my parents better. I had more compassion for them and I look at my kids and realize, 'Oh, man. This is just the same cycle all over again.'
May your dreams be sweet and your nightmares be spooky-monster-scary and not grandma-died-scary.
I laugh at weird times - at good and bad things alike. I laugh simply when things are incongruous. It’s not necessarily a judgment - as it is noticing the oddity of something.