I was a lifeguard once in the Catskills. Saved a little boy's life. He was a real brat, 9 or 10 years old. His idea of fun was playing catch with farina, tripping the bellhops. The staff couldn't stand him. Then one day against my orders he went to the deep end of the pool. I anticipated it and pulled him out. His parents tipped me $5. Now, what I can't figure out is how did they come up with the figure? How do you tip somebody who saved your son's life? What's the conversation like? The father says: “I don't know, we'll give him $15.” Wife says, “$15, we're not made of money.” “Well,” says the father, “how long have we had the boy? We'll give him $5.” I could have gotten $15 from the staff to let the kid drown!
Quote by Robert Klein:
Quotes by other comedians
Leadership camp? Isn't that where Hitler went?
Animal experiments are no joke. Thank goodness scientists are finding better, more humane ways to develop treatments for cancer and other killer diseases.
Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people "the cops." But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!
I'm sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy's head off, they didn't seem like much. And now, I like to trade them with my friends.
I must end it. There is no hope. I will be at peace. No one had anything to do with it. My decision totally.