I sit down with my daughter and I said, "Do you know how babies get here?" And she said, "Well, the lady has an egg inside of her, and the man has sperm inside of him, and the sperm meets the egg, and that's how the lady gets pregnant." And I said, "Do you know how the sperm meets the egg?" She said, "Does the man pee on the woman?" I said, "Sometimes, but that's $35 extra."
Quote by Robert Schimmel:
Quotes by other comedians
Taking a leak on a tree in the great wilderness of Alaska should not be a "who farted?" situation.
Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, "this is going to hurt me more than it will you".
Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders.
Dell Computers announced they're releasing a competitor for the iPad. Now it is, in fact, a great alternative for people who already have an iPad, but are fed up with it working all the time.
That's what my perfume would smell like, margarita and vodka.