Quote by Robert Schimmel:

I sit down with my daughter and I said, "Do you know how babies get here?" And she said, "Well, the lady has an egg inside of her, and the man has sperm inside of him, and the sperm meets the egg, and that's how the lady gets pregnant." And I said, "Do you know how the sperm meets the egg?" She said, "Does the man pee on the woman?" I said, "Sometimes, but that's $35 extra."

Comedian
Short bio
Robert George Schimmel was an American stand-up comedian who was known for his blue comedy. While the extremely profane nature of his act limited his commercial appeal, he had a reputation as a "comic's comic" due to his relentless touring, comedy albums and frequent appearances on HBO and The Howard Stern Show.

All quotes by Robert Schimmel

Quotes by other comedians

Taking a leak on a tree in the great wilderness of Alaska should not be a "who farted?" situation.

Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, "this is going to hurt me more than it will you".

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders.

Dell Computers announced they're releasing a competitor for the iPad. Now it is, in fact, a great alternative for people who already have an iPad, but are fed up with it working all the time.

That's what my perfume would smell like, margarita and vodka.