I went to rent a car, and the guy goes, 'Do you want the extra insurance?' I said, 'Why...am I gonna get into an extra accident?'
Quote by Robert Schimmel:
Quotes by other comedians
How dare people chastise me saying my glass is always half empty... it's totally empty.
I said, 'I'm a male stripper.' He's like, 'You're kidding!' I said, 'Yeah!' He said, 'What's your stage name?' I said, 'Stretch Marks.'
I like to skate on the other side of the ice.
I have a high state of resentment for the conformity in this country. If you`re not married and having children, it`s like your life is empty or you`re a communist meanie.
If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter.