Quote by Robert Schimmel:

I went to rent a car, and the guy goes, 'Do you want the extra insurance?' I said, 'Why...am I gonna get into an extra accident?'

Comedian
Short bio
Robert George Schimmel was an American stand-up comedian who was known for his blue comedy. While the extremely profane nature of his act limited his commercial appeal, he had a reputation as a "comic's comic" due to his relentless touring, comedy albums and frequent appearances on HBO and The Howard Stern Show.

All quotes by Robert Schimmel

Quotes by other comedians

How dare people chastise me saying my glass is always half empty... it's totally empty.

I said, 'I'm a male stripper.' He's like, 'You're kidding!' I said, 'Yeah!' He said, 'What's your stage name?' I said, 'Stretch Marks.'

I like to skate on the other side of the ice.

I have a high state of resentment for the conformity in this country. If you`re not married and having children, it`s like your life is empty or you`re a communist meanie.

If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter.