Quote by Rodney Dangerfield:

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

Comedian
Short bio
Jack Roy, popularly known by the stage name Rodney Dangerfield, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, producer, screenwriter, musician and author. He was known for his self-deprecating one-liner humor, his catchphrase "I get no respect!" and his monologues on that theme.

All quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

Quotes by other comedians

This is inarguably a failure of leadership from the top of the federal government. Remember when Bill Clinton went out with Monica Lewinsky. That was unarguably a failure of judgment at the top. Democrats had to come out and risk losing credibility if they did not condemn Bill Clinton for his behaviour. I believe Republicans are in the same position right now. And I will say this: Hurricane Katrina is George Bush’s Monica Lewinsky. The only difference is that tens of thousands of people weren’t stranded in Monica Lewinsky’s vagina.

Yeah, I love living in New York, man, and people who live in New York, we wear that fact like a badge right on our sleeve because we know that fact impresses everybody! I was in Vietnam. So what? I live in New York!

I said to my husband, "Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?" He said, "I don't want to wake you up."

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.