Quote by Rodney Dangerfield:

I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.

Comedian
Short bio
Jack Roy, popularly known by the stage name Rodney Dangerfield, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, producer, screenwriter, musician and author. He was known for his self-deprecating one-liner humor, his catchphrase "I get no respect!" and his monologues on that theme.

All quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

Quotes by other comedians

I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a fuck.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.