Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!
Quote by Rodney Dangerfield:
Quotes by other comedians
I was like, 'Have you all heard me talk?' You know, nobody's making Seinfeld live in Indiana.
I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.
Jewish people, we're repulsed by Hitler, but we're obsessed with him. If you ever want to rob a Jewish person's house, all you have to do is call them up and tell them there's a Hitler film festival down at the multiplex - watch them file out.
My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.
Pope John Paul didn't die - he pre-boarded.