Quotes and Jokes by D. L. Hughley

Darryl Lynn Hughley is an American actor, political commentator, radio host, author and stand-up comedian. Hughley is best known as the original host of BET's ComicView from 1992-1993, the eponymous character on the ABC/UPN sitcom The Hughleys, and as one of the "Big Four" comedians in The Original Kings of Comedy.

Top 15 Quotes (out of 21)

#1

They didn't have to describe Jesus to me for me to know he's black. Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine at a wedding. Now if that ain't black folk, I don't know what is.

69
#2

No matter how bad things are, you can at least be happy that you woke up this morning.

9
#3

I think politics in general are just like a popularity contest but McCain is just… old.

8
#4

There is always one person in the office that you want to whip their ass! If you don't know who it is, it is probably you.

7
#5

You can't fire white folk. You fire white folk, you'd best believe somebody gettin' shot that day. "I'm fired? I'll be right back, you sons of bitches...!" You fire a brother, we be mad for a different reason. "How come you didn't call me at home, motherfucker? You knew I was fired yesterday! Makin' me burn up all my goddamn gas..."

7
#6

There's something about having a great bottle of wine and a great cigar. Nothing compares to it.

7
#7

That's sort of a silly question. Day 15 is too soon, but Day 16 is all right?

6
#8

I'm not gonna lie, I love the holidays. But Christmas was a lot more fun when you weren't paying for it.

5
#9

It's really no different for me 'cause I work for bet so it's like the writers are always on strike.

4
#10

Black folks never bungie jump. That’s too much like lynching for us. "I'm gonna let you tie a rope around me and push me off a bridge? You must be out your damn mind."

4
#11

I'm glad them fucking holidays is over. "Don't drink and drive." Motherfucker, how am I going to get home?

4
#12

I don't need somebody behind a desk to tell me what a marketing survey says is funny. I got 3 million miles and 70,000 tickets sold, telling me that I know how to make people laugh.

4
#13

Did you ever have the police follow you for so long, that you get suspicious about your own goddamn self? "Maybe I did kill them people."

3
#14

Every group has its idiosyncrasies, but at a certain point we all are human.

3
#15

They had this movie called Juno about a teenage girl who gets pregnant and it's nominated for an Oscar. That's an unusual experience for me, 'cause when a black girl gets pregnant it ain't no Oscar. It's social work and a box of condoms is what that is.

2