Quotes & Jokes by Donald Glover / page 2

105 quotes

It's kind of redundant - have a black dude wearing an Obama shirt. Everybody's like, 'Yeah, we know. You like Obama; we get it.' It's just like, I would do the same thing. I realize that it's kind of redundant. I don't go up to white people wearing Coldplay shirts. 'You like Coldplay? For how long? Forever?'

Urkel was retarded, let's be honest. No, he was. If there was a kid named Steve Urkel who went to your school - dressed like Steve Urkel, eating cheese all the time, always asking this girl named Laura to marry him - you'd be like, 'Oh yeah, Steve. His brother hit him in the head with a brick when he was five. Very sad situation at the Urkel house.'

You started rapping when you wasn’t good at basketball. I started rapping because I needed Adderall.

If you’re a girl, and dont give blowjobs, go ahead and curl up with your cats and your twilight dvd’s... because you are going to die alone.

I write raps so sometimes I will write them in my iPhone. So I was writing the n-word in my iPhone and my iPhone goes, 'Did you mean niggardly?' And I was like, 'No iPhone. I meant nigger; write it.' But then, two weeks later, I was writing Jigga - which is the shortened form of Jay-Z. And my iPhone goes, 'Did you mean nigger?' And I went, 'Whoa, iPhone. You do not get to say that.'

May your dreams be sweet and your nightmares be spooky-monster-scary and not grandma-died-scary.

I have an obsession with books about kids with Asperger's syndrome.

Are their Asian girls here?! Minority report!

When I wanna be a superhero I just wake up.

If you're on Twitter, what you're saying is, 'I'm important enough for you to care what I think.'

I think the best music videos are the ones that have nothing to do with the song. Those are all my favorites.

Taking a call girl to an STD fair... there's a joke here.

There’s just something about when kids do something, it’s always going to be funny, because kids grow up. Nobody doesn’t grow up, and whatever you do as a kid usually isn’t considered amazing when you’re an adult. A baby changing its own diaper, you’d be like, “That baby is a fucking genius.” But when he’s 27, you’re like, “He shouldn’t be wearing diapers anymore.”

Made the beat then murdered it. Casey Anthony.

I'd much rather have AIDS than a baby... They're not that different at all. They're both expensive, you have them for the rest of your life, they're constant reminders of the mistakes you've made and once you have them, you pretty much can only date other people who have them.