Quotes & Jokes by Donald Glover / page 2

105 quotes

Are their Asian girls here?! Minority report!

When you think of the former high school football star, you think 6-foot-2, white, meathead as the model for that kind of character. Since I'm not 6-foot-2 or white, I just thought about what I could bring to it. I thought about Smash Williams from 'Friday Night Lights,' like the cocky quarterback, and played around with that.

I write raps so sometimes I will write them in my iPhone. So I was writing the n-word in my iPhone and my iPhone goes, 'Did you mean niggardly?' And I was like, 'No iPhone. I meant nigger; write it.' But then, two weeks later, I was writing Jigga - which is the shortened form of Jay-Z. And my iPhone goes, 'Did you mean nigger?' And I went, 'Whoa, iPhone. You do not get to say that.'

You started rapping when you wasn’t good at basketball. I started rapping because I needed Adderall.

If you're on Twitter, what you're saying is, 'I'm important enough for you to care what I think.'

We never went to Toys 'R' Us, we always went to fucking Auschwitz for kids - Home Depot.

Made the beat then murdered it. Casey Anthony.

If you like strange, specific stuff - that's a nerd. Kanye West is a black nerd. He likes strange, specific stuff. If you go up to Kanye West and say, 'Hey, what are your favorite things?' He'll be like, 'Robots and teddy bears.' That's a nerd.

Twitter does have an effect on everything - things you put out there, they are out there for good.

I'd much rather have AIDS than a baby... They're not that different at all. They're both expensive, you have them for the rest of your life, they're constant reminders of the mistakes you've made and once you have them, you pretty much can only date other people who have them.

There’s just something about when kids do something, it’s always going to be funny, because kids grow up. Nobody doesn’t grow up, and whatever you do as a kid usually isn’t considered amazing when you’re an adult. A baby changing its own diaper, you’d be like, “That baby is a fucking genius.” But when he’s 27, you’re like, “He shouldn’t be wearing diapers anymore.”

Taking a call girl to an STD fair... there's a joke here.

May your dreams be sweet and your nightmares be spooky-monster-scary and not grandma-died-scary.

Yes I'm grown and sexy, and I'm worth the wait. Girls act like I'm the only dude on earth to date.

When I wanna be a superhero I just wake up.