Quotes and Jokes by Flight of the Conchords

Flight of the Conchords are a New Zealand comedy duo composed of musicians Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement. The duo's comedy and music became the basis of a BBC radio series and then an American television series that aired for two seasons on HBO.

Top 15 Quotes (out of 33)


2 minutes in heaven is better than 1 minute in heaven.


Let's get in a cab. I'll buy you a kebab. Now I can't believe I'm sharing a kebab with the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. With a kebab.


"You need to work on your people skills." "Shut up, Bret."


You’re so beautiful like a tree or a high class prostitute.


There ain't no party like my nana's tea party.


Will somebody get the knife and fork out of my leg, please? Can somebody please remove these cutleries from my knees?


Why can't a heterosexual guy tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly?


I'm not crying, its just been raining... on my face.


Just want to do something special, for all the ladies of the world, and the girls... Carribean... Parisian... Bolivian... Eastern Indochinian... Reptilian... Presbyterian.


I'm the Hippopotamus, my lyrics are bottomless!


A kiss is not a contract, but its very nice. Just because you've been exploring my mouth doesn't mean you get to take an expedition for the south.


They're turning kids into slaves just to make cheaper sneakers. But what's the real cost 'cause the sneakers don't seem that much cheaper. Why are we paying so much for sneakers when they're made by little slave kids? What are your overheads?


My friend just told me he thought I was easily offended. I just can't believe he said that.


Making love… making love for… making love for two… making love for two minutes. When you’re with me, girl, you only need two minutes, because I’m so intense.


Other rappers diss me. Say my rhymes are sissy. What, what, what, why, why, why? Be more constructive with your feedback.