Quotes & Jokes about Friends / page 2

35 quotes

MySpace is a great way to keep in touch with friends who you don't care enough about to actually have a conversation with, why bother calling to say "how are you," when you can just surf their page and post an mpeg of a guy farting on his cat.

So all my friends have kids now... which I think is rude.

All my friends are dying. That's why I always wear black.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Sure, I have friends, plenty of friends, and they all come around wantin' to borrow money. I've always been generous with my friends and family, with money, but selfish with the important stuff like love.

I'm sorry if my friends make a bad impression, but it's an accurate one.

Friends should always tell you the truth. But please don’t.

You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.

In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.

I have a terrible problem with procrastination... a friend told me, "Well, you should go to therapy. And I thought about it, but then I said, "Wait a minute. Why should I pay a stranger to listen to me talk when I can get strangers to pay to listen to me talk?" And that's when I got the idea of touring.

Personally, when I’m picking friends, I like the ones who don’t make me cry myself to sleep.

Friends take up time, and I didn't have time.

There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.

To make even fewer friends try talking about politics as much as you talk about yourself.

I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.