Quotes & Jokes about Holidays / page 3


Thanksgiving is coming. I wonder what the holiday will be like at Dog the Bounty Hunter’s house - obviously, they’ll have a turkey with all-white meat.

I think holidays create so much pressure because people feel they should be having a good time. But you shouldn't.

Kiefer Sutherland is spending the holidays behind bars, so for Christmas he’ll need crossword puzzles, stationery, magazines, a cork and a rape whistle.

At family gatherings in the holidays, there was always some aunt, you know, with a moustache and a wart on her head, and she gives you a big sloppy kiss, ssssshhhhhkkkkk, you know, but when you try to go further with her... Oh boy. You know!

For this being the holiday season everyone at the mall is pissed. Time to shop online.

I'm not big on Halloween. I never have been. As a kid my parents would send me out to collect for UNICEF, which just screws up the whole holiday. You're wearing a costume and people are giving you pennies and you're going, "Well, give me some candy, you fuck." And the grown-ups tell you, "Absolutely not. You've got your pennies. Now go build a village, you little shit." It still brings a tear to my eye.

I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it.

We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.

Thanksgiving is a holiday that brought together two different cultures. And things might not always work out like you think they should. But they always work out. I'm thankful that the world's in perfect harmony at all times. Pilgrims had it tough. But now, we live in the strongest, most prosperous country in the world. And the Indians, well, you know.

Labour day is a great American holiday that people celebrate by going out and buying products made in China.

My favorite holiday is Co-dependency Day.

4th of July is the perfect holiday if you think America has too many fingers...

Thanksgiving is a holiday that brought together two different cultures. The pilgrims came here with the best intentions. They decided to flee an oppressive people and move to a new land. Where they thrived. And became an oppressive people. You get certain people on the same continent, there's going to be a problem. Pilgrims and Indians. Protestants, Catholics. My family, anybody else's family.