Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Acceptance

Top 15 Quotes (out of 47)

#1

'What is the meaning of life?' is a stupid question. Life just exists. You say to yourself, 'I can't accept that I mean nothing so I have to find the meaning of life so that I shouldn't mean as little as I know I do.' Subconsciously you know you're full of shit. I see life as a dance. Does a dance have to have a meaning? You're dancing because you enjoy it.

53
#2

The whole concept of awards is silly. I cannot abide by the judgment of other people, because if you accept it when they say you deserve an award, then you have to accept it when they say you don't.

24
#3

Just open your heart man and accept that people are gay. Thousands, probably millions of people are gay. And until we find a cure - we will practice unconditional love and tolerance towards these people. And we will let them get married because they're easier to track that way.

22
#4

You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.

19
#5

I'm going to start referring to anal sex as "getting accepted to Brown".

17
#6

People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay teeth.

14
#7

Be normal, and the crowd will accept you. Be deranged, and they will make you their leader.

14
#8

Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.

10
#9

Getting knee surgery - X girlfriend asked if I needed any help. My answer; no. My thought; I'd rather die than accept your help.

9
#10

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

9
#11

Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.

7
#12

There’s only so many pictures of yourself you can look at and hate before you have to just accept that you are a goofy looking fuck.

6
#13

I was talking to Jesus, and I said, "Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me." And Jesus looked at me and said, "You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell."

6
#14

Normal people, want to be accepted. Screwed up people do too. Oh, we made the cover. But any press is good press. Right ? As long as they spell your name right. So now the whole world is gonna read about... Tatus High Performance. Tatus. Great.

5
#15

It think acceptance levels sort of swings back and forth. Like in the 60's there was a lot more freedom with sex that doesn't exist today. Language has gotten pushed a bit farther and violence is way far out.

5