My girlfriend loves to eat chocolate. She’s always eating chocolate, and she likes to joke she’s got a chocolate addiction. "Get me away from those Hersheys bars. I’m addicted to them." It’s really annoying. So I put her in a car and I drove her downtown. And I pointed out a crack addict. And I said, "Do you see that, honey?... Why can’t you be that skinny?"
Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Addiction
Top 15 Quotes (out of 22)
I’m addicted to placebos. I’d give them up, but it wouldn’t make any difference.
There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.
"One thing leads to another"? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
If second hand smoke is killing that many people and nicotine is so addictive then why is no one addicted to second hand smoke?
A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council.
What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, "Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don’t want to do just for sex." Isn’t that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there’d be condoms all over my PlayStation.
Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don’t kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.