Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Experience

Top 15 Quotes (out of 26)

#1

Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

202
#2

I had the weirdest experience. I'm walking here and I say to myself "my gosh, that's Jimmy Petersen. I haven't seen him since I was nine". And I walked up to him and I slapped him on the back and I said "how's it going, you old rascal?" And he starts crying... And I say to myself, "wait a second, if that's Jimmy Petersen, he would have grown up too!" I mean, sure, now it's obvious...

88
#3

Humour is often linked to shared experience. Like, a guy gets up and says, Have you noticed public restrooms have really inefficient hand-dryers? Oh my God, yes I have, hahaha, really good point, they should... fix that. It's good to know that somebody finally gets me!

81
#4

You will never experience less reality than when you are watching a reality show. You're watching people who aren't actors, put into situations created by people who aren't writers and they're second guessing how they think you would like to see them behave if this were a real situation, which it's not. And you are passively observing this; watching an amateur production of nothing. It's like a photo of a drawing of a hologram.

79
#5

Life experience is the best teacher.

25
#6

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

16
#7

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

13
#8

I needed time to stand back and go through a lot more experience in life. Then I have something to write about, joke or to animate.

10
#9

Ideally, you want to be in a fifty-fifty power-sharing arrangement with the audience – both of you are there for a mutually enjoyable experience.

5
#10

It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen.

5
#11

I have found that - just as in real life - imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.

5
#12

Will you calm down? You're not going to let a little near-death experience ruin your mood, are you?

5
#13

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief, and, most of all, fear.

4
#14

Do you think it's possible that when we're on something like marijuana or mushrooms and we believe we're having a really spiritual experience that we're just high?

4
#15

Life is a near-death experience.

4