Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Cars

Top 15 Quotes (out of 38)


Roses are grey, Violets are a different shade of grey, Lets go chase cars!


I blew a speaker in my car today. Yeah, he was a motivational speaker. It left a bad taste in my mouth but I feel a lot more positive.


I used to have horrible cars that would always end up broken down on the highway. When I tried to flag someone down, nobody stopped. But if I pushed my own car, other drivers would get out and push with me. If you want help, help yourself - people like to see that.


Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.


Ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?


I saw one of those giant Hummer cars with handicapped tags on it. I thought, 'Wow, I never realized that being an asshole was technically a handicap.'


Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.


You might be a redneck if you've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.


Cable cars are fun - everyone gets on board and becomes a rhesus monkey.


The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It's a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.


Americans are not gonna conserve. We're not gonna shift to smaller cars. We can't - we have big, fat kids.


I killed a squirrel once with a car. Twice with a tennis racket.


I never smoke grass and drive my car because, for one thing, no matter how many letters I write to the road commissions, they still refuse to start designing highways with second-chance exits.


I just got a car, and I gotta say, this car is very cryptic. The very first day I drove it, a light came on out of nowhere: 'Check engine.' Could they be any more vague? What if a light came on and said, 'Problem'?


You might be a redneck if there are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.