Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Police

Top 15 Quotes (out of 21)


My great grandmother threw herself in front of a bus. The police tried to say she was committed suicide but the family knew she was just trying to stop civil rights.


I went to Zimbabwe. I know how white people feel in America now; relaxed! Cause when I heard the police car I knew they weren't coming after me!


Women are like the police, they could have all the evidence in the world but they still want the confession.


Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mmm..., nope. The house was too nice. It was a real nice house, but they'd never believe I lived in it. They'd be like 'He's still here!'


Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.


If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me!


If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?


In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say "Stop, or I'll say stop again."


If the cops didn’t see it, I didn’t do it!


Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people "the cops." But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!


A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.


The police pulled me over and asked me if I have anything illegal in my car. I looked at my cousin and I ran.


It's fun to be in California. The police are kind of weird here. They ask you stupid questions. 'Do you know why I pulled you over?' Because I have pot in the glove compartment?


My favorite people to have fun with are police officers 'cause they're so serious, you know.


I know I'm getting older because yesterday I called the police on my neighbors.