My fondest childhood memory is when I was twelve years old. I made out with my babysitter, Cathy. She stops in the middle of everything. “We have to stop this. I feel like such a whore.” “Why? I’m not paying you? My parents are!”
Being in a relationship is like being in A.A…. “Hi, my name is Adam and I’m a boyfriend. It’s been six months since my last decision. I felt the urge to have an opinion the other day, but thank God my sponsor came over and we sat down ‘til that feeling went away.”
What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!
I woke up my pop in the middle of the night 'cause the boogie man's under my bed. My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, "Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man's under the bed!" Pop opens one eye, he's like, "Is the boogie man bigger than me?" "Well, no Daddy, he's not." "Well, you got your choice: you can deal with the boogie man or you can deal with me."
I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.All quotes and jokes