My fondest childhood memory is when I was twelve years old. I made out with my babysitter, Cathy. She stops in the middle of everything. “We have to stop this. I feel like such a whore.” “Why? I’m not paying you? My parents are!”
Being in a relationship is like being in A.A…. “Hi, my name is Adam and I’m a boyfriend. It’s been six months since my last decision. I felt the urge to have an opinion the other day, but thank God my sponsor came over and we sat down ‘til that feeling went away.”
One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, "Oh, I found me a hobby."
What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!
I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it - if I was hungry, I would talk about food.All quotes and jokes