Alan Carr

Quotes

(eating out in restaurants before he was famous) "I'll just have a napkin and a breadstick"

Dad instantly set out his stall:he wanted a big dog, a 'man dog',a dog that if it was human would enjoy a pint and stare at the barmaid's arse

I like old people falling over, that's what makes me laugh.

On house-hunting: They said it was split-level and open-plan, but then again so is an NCP car park.

I got spotted in Greggs the bakers. The girl went: ‘We never get anyone off the telly in here.’ Which was a lie. Half of fucking Fat Club were by the pasties.

All quotes and jokes