Alan Carr

Quotes

On house-hunting: They said it was split-level and open-plan, but then again so is an NCP car park.

I was quite pleased that Prince Philip didn't say anything like, I hate queers! He was quite well behaved.

(eating out in restaurants before he was famous) "I'll just have a napkin and a breadstick"

Dad instantly set out his stall:he wanted a big dog, a 'man dog',a dog that if it was human would enjoy a pint and stare at the barmaid's arse

When I was a kid I used to hate getting picked for team sports. It would be the fit and sporty guys over there. And me and the fat kids over here. Those kids were fat! One girl had to be cut out a hula hoop.

All quotes and jokes