Alonzo Bodden

Quotes

Women like jewelry. They’re like racoons: show them some shiny stuff and they’ll follow you home.

Comedy is the drug, when they laugh it's like I'm a jazz musician and they hear it, and they get it. It's power to take the crowd wherever I want them to go. I love it when they laugh, especially when they relate through laughter. It's a beautiful thing. It also means I'm going to get paid, which is nice.

I got to be funny, I can't dunk.

You know who's mad at Kobe? Every other player in the NBA. You know why? 'Cause he messed around on his wife and bought her a $4 million ring. Yeah, you know what that means: that's the new minimum. 'Cause you know how women are, man. Women get upset: 'Oh, really, what's this? A $1 million ring? What - did that bitch get my $3 million, too?'

I grew up in the suburbs. I’m an angry suburban nergo. I’m bad in, like, Starbucks. I’ll hurt you over a frappuccino.

All quotes and jokes