Andrew Dice Clay
Just tonight this chick is sucking my dick. And she’s like, “Don’t come in my mouth.” I go, “Honey, I don’t want to fuck up your hair. We’re in a nice restaurant.”
What am I looking at? I want to eat you like a tossed fucking salad!
C'mon baby, lose the bra.
I think the best part of being gay is when you're done, you could turn over and talk about football.
I'm not the greatest husband - I've got a girlfriend. It doesn't really please my wife, but then if I was looking to please her I wouldn't have a girlfriend. I mean she knows about it, and I guess she's okay with it. Plus my kids like both of them.All quotes and jokes