Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.
I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000.
For a degenerate like me, Vegas is like a walk down memory lane. Last time I went to Vegas, I went to my old coke dealer’s kid’s bar mitzvah.
Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.
When I got on Stern I realized that this was the one job where you could be really honest and open, almost like Richard Pryor or something. You can be honest about your life and get laughs.All quotes and jokes